happy merry joyous mirthful jolly gay jovial festive holiday go on and rattle your brisk spankings and zip-a-dee-doo-dah zip-a-dee-ay

where’s the damn french toast???

weather today in south FL. wish it would last. today’s plans consist of picking up my best friend and going to boarders on hunt for our next books. think i’m going to boy’s house tonight for a movie and sushi……..

is what i am. been in bed all day reading and writing and drooling over things, you know, the usuals. but what makes today so different is that i received a package in the mail today! not just any package…a korean package! with my leopard wedges all wrapped up on the inside! oh me, oh my…it was love at first site

i haven’t taken them off since they arrived. in other news, i bought boy his christmas gifts yesterday evening via urban. here’s what i got him:

these fancy shmancy wing tips that i’ll forever envy! if they had these exact ones for girls, i would’ve done myself the deed, but i know that he’s been wanting wing tips for a long time, and not to mention, new shoes altogether. i know he’s going to more than just appreciate these, he’s going to wear them day in and day out. i also got him a pair of socks ANDdDdDd

had tooooo >: )

I want a white bunny. or a black cat.

but i have too many allergies for that : (

and this would be such great fun for a new years gown…

one too many
dreams have 
consumed me 
these past night
i haven’t slept much
my mind will wake
from a slumber 
into a race 
and then i turn over
like a pancake 
or a chicken 
on an oil smothered 
heating pan 
my arm will feel
locked out of place
i’ll move again 
maybe sit up 
then fall back down
to awake in pain
or to urinate 
and the coffees mix- 
won’t you fix 
this malaise?

wrote this one on Tuesday. I took a Klonopin to sleep last night. After an hour it worked and I’m happy to say that there were no interruptions. I’m still tired, even on my second cup of coffee. Showering soon. Fuck. When am I ever going to buy these damned gifts? x

a floppy hat that i can wear everyday

faux leather pants/shorts

new black tights since all of mine have unflattering runs

new brogues

some cool everyday wearable motorcycle-like boot

and to see you

…i feel like a lump of lard. like an apathetic little bitch. an emotional fucking wreck. these are things i used to be able to handle but have recently taken an immediate toll on daily life. never have i ever felt this terrible. i feel like i’m mourning the death of me and i’m hoping it’ll all vanish so i can soon be at ease. 96 days…96 days

i came across these:

i find them to be quite lovely. i keep going back to the tab they’re opened on just to look at them again and again. anywayssssss, i’m pretty hungry. think i’ll have some soup and coffee. x

and 97 days away. 

the malaise has refused to cease. i have a doctors appointment awaiting me. 1130 and i won’t be able to eat a thing. drawing my blood and then the talking will begin. mum made couscous. it was really something. it had such a lovely kick of spice and delight that i went for seconds. i plan on having tea time soon, but first a hot bath. and then after those two tasks i’ll continue my reading. i’ve been listening to a lot of Mozart, and I’m looking to download some Bach to further this classical obsession. what else is new? oh, how could i forget. i ordered a bag via opening ceremony

 need i say more? i also purchased some silver glittery tods. those will probably be my new daily wear. i noticed how damned worn my brogues are the other day on my front porch. i’d really like some new ones…in leather…or suede…mmm. these one’s i’ve been wearing for months are a light pink patent. lovely things they are. they’ve been dear but are in severe need of polishing……..sigh sigh sigh. i have yet to do the christmas shopping for my lovely wonders. i really should get on top of that this week and tackle it down before it’s too late. it’s assuring to know that a bull does what it aims to do. i love my horns. tea time x

Strangers In The Night- Cake

“You know what I miss?” She said, “I miss how simple everything used to be, or at least the way it seemed to. I can’t begin to fathom how it all got this way. How everything suddenly became this big race whilst knowing that the finish line is nowhere near, and completely unpredictable and invisible. What on earth am I running from? Where on earth am I running to? Why is everyone in such a rush? Why must everyone constantly feel the need to be in control? To be on top, and reign over everyone else, when in the end the infinite universe we live amongst and beyond is in no way possibly tamable. Ambitions are one thing, dreams are others, and fulfilling them is just as beautiful as the loves that bond us together. It’s the in between, the dirt inside the cracks, the soil beneath the pavement that’ll never fail and always grow. I’ve found these qualities in life itself and in people. But you. I’d put everything into this and suddenly I realize it could never be enough. Yet it’s completely out of my control. You, like the universe are this untamable creature, with galaxies worth of issues and infinite problems needing to be solved. And why? We are curious. I am curious. Before my eyes you keep growing. Before my eyes I keep discovering. Before my eyes I’m constantly knowing that things will never be the same as they once were at the beginning of time, but will forever be remembered, yet maybe forgotten, like a rock or looked past like a star. And I know that at any one moment you can turn on me. Catch me by surprise. Take my life. And with mine, everyone else’s, as well as yours, vanished inside of a thousand black holes. And I’ll always wonder what was on the other side. The millions of me will be scattered and torn into bits and pieces, only to be reassembled in a different manner, at another time, in another place, where everything has new faces and paces and meaning, a new way to see and there you will be. The grains that bind you together are the particles that have always been one. And no matter how much I fight with my words, it’s only a battle lost, an argument wasted, and a lack of understanding. You’ll tell me to never be the same just because it all is. You can still make me smile. Or whatever that is.”